fredbassett (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
fredbassett) wrote2011-03-06 10:49 pm
fredbassett) wrote2011-03-06 10:49 pm
Fic, Outrageous Fortune, Sanctuary-verse, 15
Title : Outrageous Fortune
Author : fredbassett
Fandom : Primeval
Rating : 15
Characters : Stephen/Ryan, Claudia, Cutter, Leek, Dave, Sinister and Dexter
Disclaimer : Not mine, no money made, don’t sue.
Spoilers : None
Summary : There are some days when even Sanctuary takes a step to the left. The wonderful world of Sanctuary was created by![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
mysteriousaliwz . Thanks to lukadreaming for the super-speedy beta. And if you haven’t read it, Concussed or Not Concussed, That’s the Question by nietie will help you understand this particular dose of insanity.
“Cutter!” Claudia’s voice echoed down the hall, bouncing off the walls like a ricochet.
Stephen winced and Sinister and Dexter scurried under the sofa looking scared, their knitted yellow scarves trailing behind them. He bent down and muttered consolingly, “Don’t worry, guys, she’s not mad at you.” He traded glances with Ryan who was sprawled out on the rug in front of the fire reading a book.
The soldier shrugged, clearly as puzzled as he was.
Stephen put his own book down and wandered through to the kitchen to find Claudia staring in disgust at an object lying in the middle of the table. It looked like something that the cat might have dragged in – if they’d had a cat.
He stared down at it wondering if Dave or his furry friend had been out hunting.
“Cutter! Under no circumstances am I cooking haggis for dinner!” Whatever it was, Claudia was definitely taking it personally and Cutter was very wisely staying well out of her way.
Stephen poked the object with his finger. It looked – and felt – like an oversized and somewhat elongated kidney. A sharp pain shot through his side and he gasped. He reached out and prodded the reddish-brown lump and the same thing happened again.
“Stephen, are you all right?” Claudia was at his side in an instant, her face radiating concern.
He stepped back, staring hard at the thing on the table. A moment later, Dave knuckled his way into the kitchen, huge nostrils snuffling like a warthog with a winter cold. A look of disgust crossed the creature’s bony features and he backed off, winding his long knitted scarf nervously around his fingers as he swung his bony head from side to side and then sneezed copiously, spraying mucus across the floor.
Claudia tut-tutted and pulled off a length of kitchen roll and stuck it under the predator’s nose, ordering him to “Blow!” in a voice that wouldn’t have sounded out of place in a nursery.
Dave obliged noisily.
“What’s going on?” asked Cutter from the doorway, aiming for innocence and falling short by a country mile.
Claudia gestured at the lump of offal on the table. “You might like haggis, Cutter, but I can assure you that I don’t.”
“That’s nae a haggis,” Cutter commented. “And anyway, it’s not my turn to cook.”
He reached out, but was brought up short by Stephen’s startled yell of, “Don’t touch it!” It had been bad enough when he’d just poked it, without Cutter making things worse. With his arms wrapped protectively around his middle, Stephen yelled, “Ryan!”
The soldier wandered in and joined Stephen, Claudia and Cutter, all staring down suspiciously at the unidentified lump on the tabletop. “Steak and kidney pie for tea?” Ryan queried. He looked over at the still-snuffling predator and said, “Dave, be a good lad and go and play with the kids. They thought Claudia was cross with them.”
Claudia looked shocked. “The poor little darlings! Of course I’m not cross with them.” She hurried out, Dave trailing at her heels like the world’s most improbable puppy.
“Is there a problem?” queried a voice from the doorway.
“What’s your knowledge of anatomy like, Oliver?” Cutter asked, still staring at the object on the table. He picked up a fork off the work surface thoughtfully.
In response to a sharp twinge in his abdomen, Stephen slapped the fork out of Cutter’s hand and stared up at the ceiling, a suspicion starting to form. “Management, what the hell have you been playing at now?”
“Nothing,” said a voice that was almost as bad as Cutter’s for feigning innocence.
“It’s a spleen,” Oliver Leek declared, joining the group staring at the thing on the table.
Stephen grimaced. “I don’t think I want to know how you know that.”
“We used to dissect rats in biology,” Leek said, his face taking on a suspiciously dreamy look.
“Management!” Ryan yelled in a parade-ground voice. He put a protective arm around Stephen who leaned into his lover’s touch gratefully. There were times when this place became surreal even by their standards and this was definitely one of those times.
“Just pop it in a box in the cupboard and everything will be back to normal in the morning, boys, you know how things are around here.” The Duty Manager was doing her best to sound reassuring, but Stephen wasn’t convinced and Ryan looked like he was about to fetch the 81mm mortar.
A moment later, Dave sidled back into the kitchen carrying a small cardboard box lined with one of his knitted scarves. He put it on the table and Ryan gently picked up the spleen and settled it down in the box. For an awful moment Stephen thought he was about to pet it.
“We are not giving it a name!” he told Ryan warningly.
“We are not keeping it as a pet!” Claudia said decisively, coming back in with Sinister and Dexter nestled in her arms.
“Of course we aren’t,” Cutter agreed staring pointedly at the two disembodied feet wearing sheepskin slippers and yellow scarves that were doing their best to snuggle up to Claudia’s cleavage.
“I didn’t mean to upset them,” Claudia said defensively.
Stephen closed his eyes, leaned against Ryan and muttered, “Can we have salad for tea?”
Author : fredbassett
Fandom : Primeval
Rating : 15
Characters : Stephen/Ryan, Claudia, Cutter, Leek, Dave, Sinister and Dexter
Disclaimer : Not mine, no money made, don’t sue.
Spoilers : None
Summary : There are some days when even Sanctuary takes a step to the left. The wonderful world of Sanctuary was created by
mysteriousaliwz . Thanks to lukadreaming for the super-speedy beta. And if you haven’t read it, Concussed or Not Concussed, That’s the Question by nietie will help you understand this particular dose of insanity.“Cutter!” Claudia’s voice echoed down the hall, bouncing off the walls like a ricochet.
Stephen winced and Sinister and Dexter scurried under the sofa looking scared, their knitted yellow scarves trailing behind them. He bent down and muttered consolingly, “Don’t worry, guys, she’s not mad at you.” He traded glances with Ryan who was sprawled out on the rug in front of the fire reading a book.
The soldier shrugged, clearly as puzzled as he was.
Stephen put his own book down and wandered through to the kitchen to find Claudia staring in disgust at an object lying in the middle of the table. It looked like something that the cat might have dragged in – if they’d had a cat.
He stared down at it wondering if Dave or his furry friend had been out hunting.
“Cutter! Under no circumstances am I cooking haggis for dinner!” Whatever it was, Claudia was definitely taking it personally and Cutter was very wisely staying well out of her way.
Stephen poked the object with his finger. It looked – and felt – like an oversized and somewhat elongated kidney. A sharp pain shot through his side and he gasped. He reached out and prodded the reddish-brown lump and the same thing happened again.
“Stephen, are you all right?” Claudia was at his side in an instant, her face radiating concern.
He stepped back, staring hard at the thing on the table. A moment later, Dave knuckled his way into the kitchen, huge nostrils snuffling like a warthog with a winter cold. A look of disgust crossed the creature’s bony features and he backed off, winding his long knitted scarf nervously around his fingers as he swung his bony head from side to side and then sneezed copiously, spraying mucus across the floor.
Claudia tut-tutted and pulled off a length of kitchen roll and stuck it under the predator’s nose, ordering him to “Blow!” in a voice that wouldn’t have sounded out of place in a nursery.
Dave obliged noisily.
“What’s going on?” asked Cutter from the doorway, aiming for innocence and falling short by a country mile.
Claudia gestured at the lump of offal on the table. “You might like haggis, Cutter, but I can assure you that I don’t.”
“That’s nae a haggis,” Cutter commented. “And anyway, it’s not my turn to cook.”
He reached out, but was brought up short by Stephen’s startled yell of, “Don’t touch it!” It had been bad enough when he’d just poked it, without Cutter making things worse. With his arms wrapped protectively around his middle, Stephen yelled, “Ryan!”
The soldier wandered in and joined Stephen, Claudia and Cutter, all staring down suspiciously at the unidentified lump on the tabletop. “Steak and kidney pie for tea?” Ryan queried. He looked over at the still-snuffling predator and said, “Dave, be a good lad and go and play with the kids. They thought Claudia was cross with them.”
Claudia looked shocked. “The poor little darlings! Of course I’m not cross with them.” She hurried out, Dave trailing at her heels like the world’s most improbable puppy.
“Is there a problem?” queried a voice from the doorway.
“What’s your knowledge of anatomy like, Oliver?” Cutter asked, still staring at the object on the table. He picked up a fork off the work surface thoughtfully.
In response to a sharp twinge in his abdomen, Stephen slapped the fork out of Cutter’s hand and stared up at the ceiling, a suspicion starting to form. “Management, what the hell have you been playing at now?”
“Nothing,” said a voice that was almost as bad as Cutter’s for feigning innocence.
“It’s a spleen,” Oliver Leek declared, joining the group staring at the thing on the table.
Stephen grimaced. “I don’t think I want to know how you know that.”
“We used to dissect rats in biology,” Leek said, his face taking on a suspiciously dreamy look.
“Management!” Ryan yelled in a parade-ground voice. He put a protective arm around Stephen who leaned into his lover’s touch gratefully. There were times when this place became surreal even by their standards and this was definitely one of those times.
“Just pop it in a box in the cupboard and everything will be back to normal in the morning, boys, you know how things are around here.” The Duty Manager was doing her best to sound reassuring, but Stephen wasn’t convinced and Ryan looked like he was about to fetch the 81mm mortar.
A moment later, Dave sidled back into the kitchen carrying a small cardboard box lined with one of his knitted scarves. He put it on the table and Ryan gently picked up the spleen and settled it down in the box. For an awful moment Stephen thought he was about to pet it.
“We are not giving it a name!” he told Ryan warningly.
“We are not keeping it as a pet!” Claudia said decisively, coming back in with Sinister and Dexter nestled in her arms.
“Of course we aren’t,” Cutter agreed staring pointedly at the two disembodied feet wearing sheepskin slippers and yellow scarves that were doing their best to snuggle up to Claudia’s cleavage.
“I didn’t mean to upset them,” Claudia said defensively.
Stephen closed his eyes, leaned against Ryan and muttered, “Can we have salad for tea?”
no subject
Gods, poor Stephen. Although Ryan + 81mm mortar = yummy image *g*
no subject
no subject
She'd make a very effective nanny *g*
Sinister and Dexter and their wee scarves! Ollie getting all nostalgic about dissecting rats!
I do so love what you do with Sanctuary, m'dear! *glomps*
no subject
Totally insane fucking genius!
Dave and his little box is hilarious, as is Sinister and Dexter staring down Claudia's cleavage *vbg*.
Poor Stephen!
no subject
“We are not giving it a name!” he told Ryan warningly.
*sporfle*
I wonder how many more body parts we can get into Sanctuary...
Oliver was rather wonderful in this fic :)
no subject
no subject
LOL Sanctuary fic is a complete joy in my life. <3
no subject
Your mind is a really weird place. I should visit more often.
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
Oh, and
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
Haggis! Steak and kidney pie! Ryan wanting to fetch the 81mm mortar.
Oh, this is priceless!!!
no subject
no subject
Well, at least he has his spleen back now.
no subject
no subject
no subject
(But I hope for Connor that his reunion with his feet will take a long, long time *g*)
no subject
no subject
Dave was an absolute sweetheart, though!
no subject
no subject
That's utterly fabulous!
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
This is fantastic!
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject