For your amusement

[fredbassett]

I found this while I was doing some research on the internet earlier in the week and thought it was hilarious. My military friends say it's spot on accurate ............

British Army 'Actions On' when encountering a Snake.

Line Infantry: Tracks snake through undergrowth with blowpipe (which doesn't work). Snake smells them and leaves the area.

Airborne: Lands on and kills the snake. Tabs (marches) to the objective.

People's Cavalry (Royal Tanks): Runs over the snake, laughs and looks for more snakes.

Proper Cavalry: Treats snake with haughty disdain as it has no impact on primary objective - to hold London at all costs.

Royal Marines Commando: Plays with snake, gets naked together and then eats it.

Guardsman: Immediately leaves London Zoo.

Gurkha: Eats snake.

Combat Engineer: Studies snake. Prepares tactical doctrine for the fixing of the snake using counter-mobility assets and the defeat of the snake using mobility assets. No one listens. Snake falls in the hole.

Artillery: Hits the area with a massive time-on-target barrage. Even though the snake is not hit the mission is deemed a success and the gun line are awarded medals for valour.

REME: Files suggestion for improved mobility system for reptile family which allows snakes to move 3mph faster and requires 43 strong REME unit in support.

Special Forces: Makes contact with the snake, ignores all Foreign Office directives and Theatre Commander ROE by building rapport with snake and winning its heart and mind. Trains it to kill other snakes. Files enormous expenses claim on return.

Royal Navy: Fires missiles from various types of ships, kills snake and makes presentation to MOD Select Committee on how Naval forces are the most cost effective means of anti-snake operations.

Submariner: Loiters for 6 months in maritime choke point waiting for snake to swim past - leaves the area to restock dragging 30% of the local fishing fleet with it.

Territorial Army: Kills snake by accident while out for the weekend.

RAF: Gets GPS co-ordinates for snake. Can't find snake. Runs out of flying hours. Returns to base for refuelling, crew rest and manicure.

AAC Gunship: Has sufficient firepower, manoeuvrability and range to destroy millions of snakes but couldn't see through the canopy.

Intelligence Corps: Snake? What snake? Only 4 of the 35 indicators of snake presence are currently active. Assess the potential for snake activity as Low.

General Support (Construction) Engineers: Build pub. Gut and stuff the snake. Mount over bar. Name pub "Snake Pit".

Comments

[entangled-now.livejournal.com]

I'm laughing again! You have entertained me, as always. These are perfect and hilarious.

This one made me start laughing in a ridiculously embarrassing fashion.

Royal Marines Commando: Plays with snake, gets naked together and then eats it.

Though this one...

AAC Gunship: Has sufficient firepower, manoeuvrability and range to destroy millions of snakes but couldn't see through the canopy.

Made entirely of win!!

[fredbassett]

When I found it, I was snorting unattractively for ages, and was certain all my ex-military friends would have seen it already, but I loved it so much I sent it on anyway, and none of them had! But they all said it was accurate.

Although, come to thing of it, my ex-RAF friend hasn't commented yet ........ I wonder why?

[entangled-now.livejournal.com]

They definitely provoke unattractive snorting. I'm going to be pointing a few people myself it's too much fun not to share.

Although, come to thing of it, my ex-RAF friend hasn't commented yet ........ I wonder why?

Maybe they're having a manicure :P

[fredbassett]

Feel feel to pass on or send people here, I'm not f-locked or anything, but I have opted for the delightfully pervy Explicit Adult Content setting, just so I can wear my dirty mac with pride.

[entangled-now.livejournal.com]

I have opted for the delightfully pervy Explicit Adult Content setting, just so I can wear my dirty mac with pride.

See now I'm in a quandry, my natural jealousy wants a dirty mac too, but I enjoy the recklessness of being slightly risque where everyone can see me.

Though since I've moved all my fic I'm significantly less risque....

*wants a pole to dance around*

[fredbassett]

Well, the guidance said if more than 50 % of your journal was EAC, and I thought "Yep, that's me!" so I set it on over 18 Pervs only, and felt vaguely proud. After all, no under 18 can possibly press a button that says yes I'm over 18 ...........

*wears dirty mac*

[munchkinofdoom.livejournal.com]

Special Forces: Makes contact with the snake, ignores all Foreign Office directives and Theatre Commander ROE by building rapport with snake and winning its heart and mind. Trains it to kill other snakes. Files enormous expenses claim on return.

Aha! I begin to see where Entangled's Reptile Command comes from! *veg*

[fredbassett]

It really made me laugh, and yes, we need to see more of Reptile Command!

[bigtitch.livejournal.com]

Love the Marines one but the submarine one had me snickering with cynical amusement for 5 solid minutes.

[fredbassett]

Hard to choose a favourite, as there's all so bloody spot on, but yes, the Marines one definitely made me snickker!

Loved "snake falls in hole" as well :)

[adafrog.livejournal.com]

lololol

[fredbassett]

Glad it amused :)

[telperion-15.livejournal.com]

Strangely enough, the Special Forces one was my favourite *g* - may explain a lot of things about certain Special Forces soldiers who shall remain nameless...

TA and Intelligence Corps made me snigger too.

*sniggers*

[fredbassett]

I just loved the bit about the large expenses claim ......... I could see the look on Lester's face.

[rodlox.livejournal.com]

Why are the Gurkhas the only ones who get to eat the snake?

(other than that, great)

hm...wonder what the Roman Army readout would look like...for the different parts of their army.

Vorenus: "why, in the days of my ancestor who rode with Scipio -"
Pullo: "take it off the fire already."
Atia: "surely I can use this snake to my advantage."
Sam Tyler: "is the snake the reason I'm now in the Roman era?"
Pompey: "dealt with properly, that snake would be a suitable pet for my children."
Dan: "wait a minute, that's the same snake that tried to bite me in 1970!"

[fredbassett]

I don't know, that's for sure!!

I love your versions. The Pompey one is hilarious!!!!!!!!!! And Atia. Actually, all bloody funny :)

respectively...

[rodlox.livejournal.com]

sorry.

thank you.

[aoifes_isle]

Oh so true *g*

Come to think of it we did kill one by accident a few years ago ... Oops?

[fredbassett]

I think these are fab.

[fififolle]

Can't believe I haven't commented on this! Sure I read and sporfled at the time :) forgot the commando one was so amusing hahaha

[fredbassett]

LOL, they are all totally brilliant!