fredbassett: (Default)
[personal profile] fredbassett
Title : Meet the Ancestors
Author : fredbassett
Fandom : Primeval
Rating : 15
Characters : Becker, Connor, Abby, Danny, Jenny
Disclaimer : Not mine, no money made, don’t sue.
Spoilers : None
Word Count : 2,269
Summary : Becker meets his match.
A/N : Written for our lovely Cretaceous era therapod’s birthday!


“Becker, no!” Abby’s voice cut easily through the excited babble of the shoppers being herded out of the covered marketplace by the members of the security team. “They’re just frightened!”

An egg splattered on the front of Becker’s equipment vest and an orange bounced off the side of his head.

“They’re a menace!” Becker reluctantly lowered the barrel of his Mossberg and glared at the monkey-like creature that was hanging by one long arm from a canopy over a fruit and veg stall.

The creature glared back at him from under a pair of very shaggy eyebrows before pelting him with a handful of Brussels sprouts. Becker was unimpressed, but at least sprouts were preferable to eggs.

“Connor, what’s the progress on getting that bloody thing locked?”

“I’m on it, mate, keep your hair on,” Connor muttered as he fiddled with the controls of the locking device.

The anomaly had opened in the middle of an impressive Santa’s grotto set up on one side of the outdoor market and was currently sparkling rather attractively amidst a lot of fake snow and dry ice. Next to it, on a small skating rink, Danny Quinn was giving chase to another of the creatures while Jenny, sensibly muffled up in a bright red quilted jacket, offered words of wisdom that Quinn was clearly failing to appreciate as his legs skidded from under him and he ended up flat on his back. The russet-haired animal he was chasing promptly shot nimbly away, doing a far better job of staying upright than Quinn was.

Danny’s loud cursing drew a disapproving look from a large woman wearing a rather disconcerting hat from which several shortened peacock’s tail feathers seemed to be protruding. The bobbing feathers provided too much of a temptation for their furry friends. One bounced nimbly over the shoulders of several members of the public, snatched the vivid feathers and bounced off again, this time into the middle of a stall selling large stuffed toys. A moment later, wearing a pair of reindeer antlers, it shot off, still clutching its feathers and with a polar bear trailing behind it, firmly gripped in one paw..

Fortunately, there were plenty of interesting things in the market to occupy anything hell-bent on causing mischief, as a result, the creatures showed no signs of wanting to go further afield. Another egg splattered Becker, this time hitting his shoulder and was immediately followed by a small cauliflower. All it needed was a sprinkling of cheese and he’d be ready to go into the oven,

Connor turned around, his face alight with amusement. “Don’t be too hasty, mate, you might be about to get stroppy with one of your ancestors. Dunno what that could do to the timelines…”

Becker turned to Connor in amazement. “Ancestors? I know we’re meant to be descended from monkeys, but I didn’t think that meant ones with orange eyebrows.”

“What have you got against orange eyebrows?”

“It’s not you they’re throwing eggs at!”

“Stop taking it personally, Becker,” Abby said, not quite managing to keep a straight face.

To his annoyance, Becker could see that she was wholly untouched by eggs. The bloody monkeys seemed only to be picking on anyone in a black uniform, which was far too selective for Becker’s way of thinking, especially when he wasn’t allowed to retaliate.

“Gotcha!” Connor exclaimed.

The anomaly had contracted in on itself and was now spinning in the air in front of the entrance to the grotto, looking like an improbably large Christmas bauble. Connor stood up, dusted his hands off on his black jeans and turned around just in time to catch an apple before it hit him on the nose. Becker had to admit that Connor’s reactions had sharpened up considerably during his time on the anomaly project. Connor bit into the apple, an appreciative look on his face as he chewed.

Moments later, Becker was hit in the face by an unpeeled banana. Somehow he didn’t think that he’d manage to look quite as relaxed as Connor if he started eating the damn thing, especially not with the front of his equipment vest dripping with eggs.

Splutch

Especially not with the front and back of his equipment vest dripping with eggs.

He picked up the banana and threw it back at his orange-eyebrowed assailant. The monkey, who had clearly been taking lessons from Connor, took a large bite out of it.

“We’ve got the nets ready, boss!” one of his men called.

“Then get a perimeter in place. We don’t want to end up chasing this lot all over town.”

As his men started to stretch the netting around the edge of the covered market, Becker tried to do a rough head count of the hairy menaces. One was still leading Quinn a merry – and extremely uncoordinated – dance around the ice rink; the one that had been throwing eggs at him was currently enjoying its banana; two more were romping around the soft toy stall, and at least three others were swinging from the rafters.

Connor was standing next to the anomaly locking device eating his apple and Abby appeared to have taken up juggling with oranges, for reasons Becker failed to understand.

“You’re taking this too seriously, soldier boy!” Danny called.

Becker turned around to glare at him with the words ‘Don’t call me soldier boy!’ on his lips, when the sight of their team leader skidding across the ice on his arse, with one of the monkeys clinging to his shoulders, made even him start to laugh.

“Ride ‘em, cowboy!” Jenny called in encouragement, and it was patently obvious she was talking to the monkey, not Quinn.

“We need some alternative dispute resolution here,” Connor said, picking up one of the Brussels sprouts and lobbing it lightly to one of the creatures who sniffed it and then crammed it into its mouth and chewed contentedly.

The day was just getting stranger. “Connor, what the hell would you know about alternative dispute resolution?”

“I read Lester’s memo about it! You just used it to line your wastepaper bin. And he’s right, threatening to rip someone’s arm off and beat them to death with the wet end isn’t a proportionate response to someone eating the last chocolate biscuit!”

Becker looked shifty, but in his defence, it had been a bad day. He used most memos to line his wastepaper basket so he could drop teabags in there, so that one had been no exception. It was quite useful that Lester was the last person on the planet to send paper memos but he had to admit that it was unfortunate that Lester usually walked into his office five minutes after he’d made himself a mug of tea.

A sudden thought occurred to him. “No I didn’t! I made a paper dart out of that one, stuck a leaky biro in it and threw it at Quinn.”

The monkey that had been pelting him with eggs tossed the nub end of its banana over its shoulder and cocked its head expectantly at Becker. As Abby would almost certainly disapprove of him throwing the beast a primed hand grenade, Becker grabbed the remains of Connor’s apple off him and lobbed that at the creature instead. His thieving drew an irritated “Oi!” from Conner and an appreciative smacking of lips from the recipient of his largesse. Clearly the apples were worth eating.

“Children!” Jenny said in a voice she usually reserved for brow-beating government ministers or refereeing arguments about chocolate biscuits. “Does anyone have anything resembling a plan or are you just going to let everyone else do all the work?” She started pointedly at the security team, who by now had erected nets around most of the market.

“Let’s see if we can entice them all into the grotto with fruit,” Connor said, grabbing a handful of Brussels sprouts off the ground and throwing each of them into the tent past a large, inflatable reindeer. “Then when they’re all in, we can unlock the anomaly and get them back home.”

Becker had to admit that for a plan that didn’t involve lethal force it wasn’t a bad one. He stepped up to the fruit stall whilst keeping a safe distance from its resident monkey, picked up a handful of ripe peaches and offered one to the creature in place of the banana it had just finished. He was firmly hoping they could get all of them back to their own time, as he wasn’t going to be held responsible for the state of their bowels after all the fruit they’d been eating.

The monkey took the peach and sniffed it.

Becker executed an accurate underarm throw beneath the locked anomaly and into the back of Santa’s grotto. The monkey cocked its head on one side and, looking at Becker from under its eyebrows, then did the same thing, scoring a neat goal with its own peach.

A second peach followed the first, but the monkey stayed exactly where it was and sneakily threw an egg at Becker, just to prove that it hadn’t declared a truce. Becker made a grab for it, but his foe ducked underneath the table and scurried away.

So much for getting them to follow the fruit.

The two monkeys playing on the soft toy stall stopped squabbling over a cuddly penguin and were staring in fascination at the locked anomaly. One of them grabbed a toy reindeer and scampered over to investigate. Abby picked up a cuddly reindeer and tossed that over the top of the anomaly. The two monkeys promptly dashed after it, chattering loudly to each other. Connor grabbed an armful of the toys and started lobbing them into the grotto in the hope of keeping them occupied. As a distraction technique, it seemed to be working pretty well.

Becker’s men draped more nets around the back of the large tent, making sure that the only way out of the grotto was at the front and then ensured that they kept a safe distance from any egg-throwing monkeys. He saw one of the animals making its way towards a fish stall and a moment later, a shiny, smelly mackerel slapped him on the cheek.

With chunks of fish raining down on him, Becker picked up a long-handled mop from a stall selling cheap, plastic goods and gave chase. The ground was carpeted with fruit, vegetables, broken eggs cuddly toys and now fish. Becker, conscious of the fact that he was probably about to make a complete fool of himself, Becker pursued his nemesis around the stalls. The monkey paused to grab a brightly-coloured scarf from one and a bobble hat from another before dashing off again.

“Four of them are in the grotto!” Abby called. “Come on, Becker, we’re just waiting for you and Danny now!”

Becker saw his monkey stop in front of an array of stained glass and poke in fascination at a wind chime, executing the now-familiar tilt of its head at something that interested it. Seeing his opportunity while the animal was distracted, Becker made a lunge for it.

A moment later, he had an armful of something that gave off a rather pungent odour of wet dog. He was confidently expecting to get bitten, but to his surprise, the monkey promptly wound its long arms around his neck and snuggled up to him.

“Aw, he likes you,” Connor declared,

Becket attempted to school his features into an expression of neutrality, then reached out and plucked a wind chime made up of bright, shiny crystals and offered it to his captured foe. The monkey held it delicately in one paw and shook it, seemingly entranced by the jingle it made.

Becker carried the creature and its prize over to Santa’s grotto and set it on the ground. The money clutched its wind chime to its chest and in return, handed Becker the scarf and hat it had been carrying. He looked around and saw Danny sauntering over to them, a monkey still riding on his shoulder. As they passed the soft toy stall, Danny stopped and picked up a blue striped elephant with a long trunk, which the monkey promptly waved around by its trunk.

“Is that the lot?” Jenny asked.

“Looks like it,” Connor said, failing miserably to stifle a grin. He went down on one knee and started fiddling with the controls of the anomaly locking device and a moment later, the anomaly expanded and hung in the air, spinning lazily, wreathed in the white mist that was still arising from the dry ice machine.

Clutching armfuls of fruit and soft toys, the monkeys started to troop back to their own time. Becker gently put his monkey down on the ground and gave it a light push in the direction of the anomaly. With the wind chime trailing behind it and the bobble hat held in its other paw, the creature scampered off without a backward glance.

“Lock it again, Connor,” he instructed.

As Connor bent over the control panel something came sailing out of the anomaly, straight at Becker.

This time, the aim was perfect, and the egg scored a direct hit on Becker’s face.

Connor hit the switch to turn on the locking mechanism and the anomaly started to shrink. Just as it contracted in on itself, a brown shape flew out. Dashing the egg off his face with one hand, Becker braced himself to end up with an armful of monkey again.

The cuddy reindeer stared up at him wearing a grin almost as silly as Connor’s.

Date: 2012-10-28 09:43 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lukadreaming.livejournal.com
This is the most entertaining romp ever, with so many great lines and images - and cute critters! Poor put-upon Becker ... *g*

Date: 2012-10-28 10:05 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] aunteeneenah.livejournal.com
That was too, too funny! I was laughing out loud at poor old Becker and Danny. This was great. Good Job!

Date: 2012-10-28 10:39 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] reggietate.livejournal.com
Oh, dear, poor Becker! :-D Not even spared the indignity of mackerel round the chops!

Date: 2012-10-28 10:44 pm (UTC)
clea2011: (Becker smile)
From: [personal profile] clea2011
LOL! Poor Becker, all egg-covered! And fish...
Still, who can blame the monkey for wanting to cuddle him? :-)
This was really funny!

Date: 2012-10-28 11:00 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] gowarily.livejournal.com
The cuddy reindeer stared up at him wearing a grin almost as silly as Connor’s.

This is gorgeous.

Date: 2012-10-28 11:01 pm (UTC)
thelibraniniquity: (Totally Awesome)
From: [personal profile] thelibraniniquity
Great fun!

Date: 2012-10-28 11:25 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] natchris.livejournal.com
I'm reading this with a huge grin.

Date: 2012-10-29 01:37 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dreamer-98.livejournal.com
Hee! This was fun and hilarious and adorable.

Date: 2012-10-29 02:44 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] joshinator.livejournal.com
I volunteer to lick Becker all clean again

Date: 2012-10-31 02:14 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kristen-mara.livejournal.com

Sporfles - Josh, make sure you don't get a hairball from George the Chest Hair possum!

Fred, I loved this, lots of hysterical images (trust Danny to bond with his monkey) and I'm sure the fangirls would eat Becker raw if need be, without cooking ;)

Tried to post this a few days ago but kept getting an error message…

Date: 2012-10-29 06:23 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] flaccidduck.livejournal.com
Who's more adorable? Becker or the monkey? *g*

Date: 2012-10-29 09:20 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] freddiejoey.livejournal.com
Funny and sweet and wonderful.

Date: 2012-10-29 11:12 am (UTC)
fififolle: (Primeval - Ryan Reindeer)
From: [personal profile] fififolle
OMG! That was so completely adorable!!!! <3 <3 <3

Date: 2012-10-29 11:51 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] judithjohn.livejournal.com
What can I say except massively fun and massively lovely?

Date: 2012-10-29 06:25 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] nietie.livejournal.com
Hahaha, poor Becks. I'm sure he never had a food fight when he was a kid *g*

Date: 2012-10-29 09:39 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] knitekat.livejournal.com
LOL, brilliant. Poor Becker ;) Great images and aww for the monkeys liking the soft toys.

Date: 2012-10-29 10:09 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] deinonychus-1.livejournal.com
Sporfle! That was great fun! Poor Becker, I can just imagine the look on his face dealing with that lot, and I'm sure Connor (and Danny) won't let him forget it for a while. And fluffy cuddly monkeys!

Thanks for a great brithday fic!

Date: 2012-10-29 11:47 pm (UTC)
cordeliadelayne: ([primeval] abby maitland)
From: [personal profile] cordeliadelayne
Hee hee hee! Poor Becker though *g*

Date: 2012-10-30 10:42 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ebonyfeather.livejournal.com
That was adorable! Poor Becker!

Date: 2012-11-03 07:30 pm (UTC)
celeste9: (primeval: mussed!becker)
From: [personal profile] celeste9
This is so much fun! So many great, funny images. Poor Becker. :D

Date: 2012-11-06 12:28 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] comnena39.livejournal.com
Brilliant, I do love it when instead of 'The End of the World/ Universe/ Time' shows take the time to have fun with their concept and since I absolutely regard all your fic (and most Denial-ers fic) as head!canon that is totally what this wee scene is!

Date: 2012-11-14 05:51 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] talliw.livejournal.com
Lovely interaction between the team and the creatures.;)
The egg throwing monkey was hilarious.

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