fredbassett | Fic, Dead Dinosaur Is Not A Hair Care Product, Lester, Connor, Ryan, 15

Title : Dead Dinosaur Is Not A Hair Care Product
Author : fredbassett
Fandom : Primeval
Rating : 15
Characters : Lester, Connor, Ryan
Disclaimer : Not mine, no money made, don’t sue.
Spoilers : None
Summary : In which Ryan is stubborn, Connor goes hunting and Lester is irritated.

A short sequel to Beaten To It. Written for entangled_now , who encourages shower scenes.

“Ryan, I am standing here covered in the dinosaur intestines while you are hogging the only working shower. That, as you might imagine, is not wholly pleasing to me.”

The sound of tuneless humming continued unabated.

Connor continued in his attempts to track a small, but irritating piece of extinct creature lurking in the depths of his left ear.

“Don’t poke it, Temple. Go to the Infirmary and let them poke it instead.”

“You’re just trying to queue jump,” said Connor, with perfect truth.

“Captain Ryan, Mr Temple is investigating the pockets of your equipment vest in the hope of finding an implement to further his exploration of his auricular canal. If I were you, I would not find that comforting.”

Words that sounded suspiciously akin to cotton buds, top left pocket drifted over the top of the shower cubicle along with a cloud of steam.

Lester’s eyebrows slid smoothly into the position which indicated he’d reached Factor 4 on his personal scale of irritation.

Connor looked pleased. He’d found the cotton buds.

“Ryan, Temple is now staring with adolescent fascination at something closely resembling a hand grenade.”

The word Liar was just audible over the sound of the water, followed by a word that might – or might not - have been interpreted as Sir, by someone determined to put a favourable spin on the soldier’s response.

“He never takes less than fifteen minutes,” Connor offered, brightly, “Why do you think Cutter and Stephen headed straight for the canteen?”

Lester glanced at his watch. In another ten minutes the blood and guts would no doubt have contrived to set like concrete in his hair. And his left eyebrow felt unusually and unpleasantly heavy. It was fortunate that the mirrors were fogged up with steam. Somehow he felt he was failing to look at his best.

With an expression which blended pained and resolute into a seamless whole, the civil servant started to strip off his clothes.

Connor watched in awed fascination. When a pair of dark red silk boxers slithered down pale thighs, the stem of the cotton bud gripped tightly in his fingers finally succumbed to abuse and snapped.

“Have it your own way, Captain,” muttered Lester, pulling open the shower door and stepping into the enveloping steam.

The humming stopped abruptly.

A slight sigh of something that sounded suspiciously like pleasure reached both of Connor’s ears at once.

He stared with considerable satisfaction at the small greenish-red blob on the end of the cotton bud. He wondered if he should keep it for posterity. Or scientific research.

The next noise that came out of the shower, would, however, have been preferable in something other than stereo. Actually, on reflection, he thought he might have preferred not to have heard it at all. He considered reinserting the globule of guts into one ear and sticking the cotton bud in the other.

Connor was rapidly reaching the conclusion that even canteen coffee would be preferable to listening to what might very well come next as a soft exhalation stopped with suspicious abruptness and slid into a quiet and unutterably filthy groan.

He really, really hoped they were both just enjoying the hot water.

But if this made Lester decide not to get the other showers fixed, Ryan was so not going to be popular.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

deinonychus-1.livejournal.com

oh, how much do I love this! Poor Connor. Although I'm getting this strange mental image of him standing there with an epression of scientific curiosity about the sounds in the shower, and then, of course, being Connor, he would have investigate... are the showers big enough for three?

And Ryan's comments from the shower!

"“Ryan, Temple is now staring with adolescent fascination at something closely resembling a hand grenade.”
The word Liar was just audible over the sound of the water, followed by a word that might – or might not - have been interpreted as Sir, by someone determined to put a favourable spin on the soldier’s response."

*must remember to breathe between laughing*

From:

Fic, Dead Dinosaur Is Not A Hair Care Product, Lester, Connor, Ryan, 15

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