Fic, Plan A, Lester, Ryan, Connor, 12

[fredbassett]

Title : Plan A
Author : fredbassett
Fandom : Primeval
Rating : 12
Characters : Lester, Connor, Ryan
Disclaimer : Not mine, no money made, don’t sue.
Spoilers : None
Summary : Shower!fic in which Lester is not amused.
A short sequel to Dead Dinosaur Is Not A Hair Care Product. Written forbyrons_brain , who wanted the showers blown up. Not quite sure this is what you had in mind, sweetie, but hope you like it anyway!

Lester surveyed the damage wearing the sort of expression which usually denoted the imminent prospect of expenditure from a particularly precious part of his budget.

“Al Qaeda, Captain Ryan?”

“Faulty boiler. Made a helluva bang, though.”

“They teach plumbing at Hereford?”

Ryan grinned. “You’d be surprised what we get taught, sir.” Lester winced, and the soldier’s grin slid into a lazy smile. “Norman from Maintenance took one look at it and blamed the boiler.”

“Is this the same Norman from Maintenance who blamed last week’s electrical malfunction on the Archangel Gabriel?”

Connor grinned. “Yep, although to be fair, Jenny said he might have had a point.”

“I think you’ll find Jenny was humouring him, Mr Temple. It’s cheaper than medical retirement. Kindly convey my regards to Norman, and ask him to effect the necessary repairs.”

“Think we’ll need new showers,” said Connor, smiling just a touch too broadly.

“They teach plumbing at University as well? How splendid. Perhaps you will avoid a career in McDonald’s after all. No, Mr Temple, I used the word repair. If you consult a dictionary, you’ll find it is quite different from the word replace, in several important respects.”

“Gonna need more than the Norman to fix that lot, sir.” Ryan nodded towards the wreckage of the showers. The small, shaped charge he’d used had done a surprising amount of damage.

“Then you may suggest he employs his friends from the Heavenly Host. According to Ms Lewis, Norman and the Archangel Gabriel are now on the very best of terms. I read her memo on the subject only this morning.”

Lester turned on his polished heel and picked his way carefully over the remains of the door. As he stalked off down the corridor, the words, “My office, in one hour, Captain,” echoed ominously off smoke-blackened walls.

Connor looked crestfallen.

Ryan sighed. “So what’s Plan B, mate?”

Comments

[bigtitch.livejournal.com]

*sporfle*
Ryan sighed. “So what’s Plan B, mate?”
Ryan's letting Connor dictate strategy? I'm scared now!

[fredbassett]

It is indeed a deeply troubling concept!

[byrons-brain.livejournal.com]

What could possibly go wrong? ::hides under bed::

[fredbassett]

I was wondering what would happen if the trouble spread to the drainage system, resulting in no loos either ..........

[byrons-brain.livejournal.com]

Blowing up the bogs! now that would be funny....

[fredbassett]

Oh god, don't say that in front of Lyle! There used to be a craze many years ago amongst caving clubs for blowing up the septic tanks in other club's headquarters. He'd no doubt remember that .............. and think it was a good idea!

[byrons-brain.livejournal.com]

LYLE! go blow up the bogs..... well it's either that or kidnap a plummer!

[munchkinofdoom.livejournal.com]

Written for byrons_brain, who wanted the showers blown up.

I saw that line in your A/N and started lauging. Because that's exactly the way my mind works too!

You know you're going to have to write the scene in Lester's office now, don't you!

And it was the showers in the ARC that he blew up? All that immaculate white? How the hell did the hot water system in there break down so fast, even without carefully placed explosives?

Methinks Connor should be checking the plumbing for anomaly activity... *veg*

[fredbassett]

It's a Government building, sweetie, which means it's nothing short of a miracle that the showers ever worked at all!! As ever in this country, ARC would be a triumph of form over functionality.

You're trying to lure me into a suggestive Lester/Ryan series aren't you, oh evil enabler of doom? We'll have to see what Norman from Maintenance can come up with next .........

[munchkinofdoom.livejournal.com]

We'll have to see what Norman from Maintenance can come up with next .........

Ask Norman is he has a video camera!

*veg*

[fredbassett]

He's probably used it to spy on the Archangel Gabriel and his mates .......

[byrons-brain.livejournal.com]

hehehehee, sorry I just had this evil thought of Connor filming the special forces team lathering each other up so he can make a fortune on the internet....

[munchkinofdoom.livejournal.com]

I would buy that video! *nods*

[byrons-brain.livejournal.com]

Don't forget the spankings for being bad boys!

[fredbassett]

Why do you think he got summoned to Lester's office? I think Telperion_15 wrote what happened at that point, LOL.

[telperion-15.livejournal.com]

Well, who knew Lester was such a Scrooge? And that was a good plan, too!

This takes the shower theme to whole new heights! *g*

[fredbassett]

Or depths, depending on the amount of explosive Ryan used :)

[entangled-now.livejournal.com]

Lol! Expensive anomaly research centre run by an utter cheapskate. It's no wonder the boys have to resort to devious methods to get hot water (Ryan should be good at making tactical decisions after all!)

So what is plan B?

[fredbassett]

What do you expect from H.M. Govt??

Hmmmm, Plan B? We'll have to see what Connor can come up with. Possibly involving Norman and his Etherial Friends ............

[deinonychus-1.livejournal.com]

heehee. Lester is determined to put a crimp in Connor's day, isn't he?

So, what *is* plan B? Why are Connor and Ryan forming an evil alliance here, since we all know Ryan gets to the one working shower first anyway, so what does he gain here? We clearly need to investigate this phenomena further...

[fredbassett]

Maybe he just didn't like the thought of having to share again!!

I'll have to work on Plan B, or Connor will. After all, someone now has to break it to the others that there are currently NO working showers.

[rodlox.livejournal.com]

>After all, someone now has to break it to the others that there are currently NO working showers.
as we used to say in this country, "boys, get a rope"

or as Clint Eastwood famously said "if you're gonna hang a man, hang 'im high."

:)

very fun, truly wicked

[rodlox.livejournal.com]

Connor: "What else, mate? We need him to have a 'road to Damascus' moment."

(either that or a crossover with The Prophecy)
;)

Re: very fun, truly wicked

[fredbassett]

Yes, some form of road to Damascus moment is definitely needed! Maybe coutesy of Norman .........

[adafrog.livejournal.com]

lolol Awesome.

[fredbassett]

Thanks!

[byrons-brain.livejournal.com]

I Love you!

Ryan sighed. “So what’s Plan B, mate?”

Well Plan B has to be washing each other in the kitchen with a bucket of water and soap.... let's see what Lester thinks of that....

[fredbassett]

Or how about just hanging around in his office, delivering reports in person, covered in mess and smelling to high heaven??

Glad you liked it!! Not sure the showers did, but it was your request, so the showers had to go!! BANG.

[byrons-brain.livejournal.com]

And I thank you ::sits to watch hot sweaty men in uniform:: I suppose they could hose each other down...

[m-buggie.livejournal.com]

Right, so, would you care for the customary first born child or a portion of my soul?

Guh. This was fantastic.

[fredbassett]

Well, children can be scrumptious if properly marinaded, but souls..... oh yesssss precious, souls are shiny .............

I'm currently pondering Plan B, involving toilets .......

Thanks for reading, especially as you don't know the fandom! Looks like I'm not the only person I know who reads outside the box, so to speak!

[mysteriousaliwz.livejournal.com]

*giggles helplessly*

[fredbassett]

Thanks. I'm working on Plan B at the moment, lol.

[fififolle]

Wheeeeeeee! Boiler my ass *g* Brilliant. Such lovely images :) Lester's tongue is superb. That came out wrong, although I don't suppose Ryan would complain... *g*
Yay for bizarre Norman, LOL!

So... um, was there a sequel to *this* one... goes to see...

[fredbassett]

I have a half finished sequel languishing on my hard drive, but it never got finished. I might give it another go.

[fififolle]

yes please *g*

[lukadreaming.livejournal.com]

I don't know why I didn't comment on this one when I caught up with all your fic from before I discovered the fandom *g*.

It's just brilliant. Great lines -- and I'm glad Norman eventually got a speaking part a year on *g*.

[fredbassett]

Every version of the ARC, in whatever reaity would have a Norman, I think. We used to have one at work, which is where the name came from.

[lukadreaming.livejournal.com]

LOL! Ours retired 18 months ago. He was an ex-navy man and his favourite expression was: "You're a great trial to me!" Delivered, of course, in a very broad Glorse accent!

[(Anonymous)]

Hilarious - love how Connor's idea to get all the showers to have working hot water was to have Ryan blow them up and how Lester insisted that they be repaired instead of replaced!

[fredbassett]

I enjoyed the blowing up bit! I imagine Ryan did as well.

[daxie42.livejournal.com]

Sorry that last comment was from me, I thought I was logged in!

[fredbassett]

*grins* I guessed!

[knitekat.livejournal.com]

LOL Ryan blowing up showers, mention of Norman (who is great), a cunning plan from Connor and Ryan and the Lester snark about teaching plumbing at Hereford/Uni.
Mmmm is Lester's wince to do with the last part? and what is he planning in his office that needs Ryan (eg).. any more of this series?

[fredbassett]

I think this may have been Norman's first appearance!

[neferitiel.livejournal.com]

OMG!!!! Love the boys and you ideas!!!! *.* Come on Connor! What's plan B??

[fredbassett]

I think I do have a draft of Plan B somewhere. I must finish it.

[neferitiel.livejournal.com]

Yesssssssssss!